"But where does worry get you?"

Brian Lynch

One day a patient said that she was "worried" about her son. At that moment, it occurred to me to stop her and ask her if it was not more the case that she was "interested" in her son.

I work with the belief that we have inherent "basic" feelings. Among them is "interest." We are never explicitly taught about interest as a fundamental emotion. Most people assume that we merely "think" about the things we do. For instance, we think, "I need to buy some milk" or "I'm going to purchase a car." We often overlook the emotional aspects associated with such tasks. However, our actions are accompanied by numerous emotional dimensions, and "worry" is undoubtedly an emotional word.

So I ask this, doesn't it sound a lot better to say I am "interested" in my son? "Worry" is nowhere considered a basic biological feeling. It occurred to me that "worry," for one, was not on my list of basic feelings. In this encounter with the patient, I began to refer to worry as "contaminated interest." It is interest bogged down with fear and distress or anger and maybe even shame. With those emotions dragging down my interest in my son, it might get in the way of helping him.

We might often say that we are "worried" about the rent money. But where does that get us? Are we not better served by saying we are "interested" in paying our rent? In finding the rent money, no matter how bad the situation is? If it is not available, magic will not produce it. As we all have heard, "Worrying is not going to solve the problem." How true. But being interested in the problem just might!

In the therapy called "cognitive therapy," this is what is taught. In short, "negative thoughts" are not productive. Thinking about "worrying", about all your unpaid bills does not get them paid. Getting interested in making money in whatever way you can (legally) gets the money to pay the bills.

I am not ignoring the overwhelming pain that ensues if indeed the money is not forthcoming. If that happens, there is a new problem to be solved and the only real option is to take the next step. It is the only solution to alleviate the hurt and the state of confusion you are in.