“ Interest is the impediment to ongoing shame.”

“ Interest impedes ongoing shame.”

Brian Lynch

Silvan Tomkins was the first major psychologist to isolate “shame” and “interest” as primary emotions. We see them as “feelings” that we are born with. They are specialized parts of our nervous system.

Tomkins himself and those that follow him spend a great deal of time on the meaning and concept of “shame” as he understands it. It becomes more curious as I go along, now over years into my study of this material, how little attention “interest” has received.

Why? From the start “interest” not “shame” is the primary  feeling. Shame is called auxiliary to interest, shame’s definition being “a blockage or impediment to ongoing positive “affect” (interest or joy) or “feeling.”

Thus shame takes on a central role in our life. The shadow of shame haunts us and once uncovered can be the clue to almost all that has bothered and inhibited us in our life. Well that it should be dwelled on, written about, and seen as the multifaceted black diamond that it is.

That said by what means does one examine this diamond? Our reason? Well, yes, our reason, but don’t you have to be interested in something before you reason about it? So we are back to interest? Interest and shame are handmaidens. They are oddly enough two sides of the same coin and this being the case it is the secret key to any growth: How do I focus my interest sufficiently on my shame to reduce it when it is this very shame that is impeding my interest? It seems an impossibility! But there you have it.

This is why the interest of others is important when people are struggling with what seems to be insurmountable pain, hurt, and confusion and why I say: “Interest is the impediment to ongoing shame.”

At times, most of the time, with many, many people it seems that nothing, absolutely nothing helps them. Your interest is like water off a duck. But I believe that “interest” is our lifeblood. We need it like air and I say that all we want is “for someone to be interested in us.”

We hear about “interest” in others all the time but just do not recognize it as this vital primary life force. Here is an example I was struck by the other day when I came across an interview by Wayne Fenton of the National Institutes of Mental Health being interviewed about a certain category of patients. I do not mention the type, as it could be anyone. This is his last statement in the interview:

“But when patients do recover and you speak with them in retrospect, oftentimes it is somebody's belief in them, somebody believes that they can make it, and it's often their family's belief that they can make it that they identify as the critical issue in achieving their recovery.”

“ Interest is the impediment to ongoing shame.”

"All we want is someone to be interested in us."