"People do what they do for very, very good reasons."

"People do what they do for good reasons."

By the above, we came to accept ourselves as we are and to understand that we have done what we have done due to unmanageable feelings of hurt and thus it is counterproductive and damaging to blame ourselves and others.  Twelve Steps to Emotional Health

Someone once told me that no matter how we are reacting for the “good” or the “bad” we react to stimuli exactly as our organism “should” be reacting at that moment. We are “nothing more” than our memory banks. We can only react based on what we know how to do in a given situation. We can not do what we don’t know how to do.

Either we are hopeless without redemption, or we are, that is, so biologically damaged that we have to be removed from society, that to the best of our present knowledge, we have no capacity for empathy ( I am not punished but removed from society.) or we have the capacity for empathy but have been traumatized to the point that our negative emotions continually overwhelm us in the present so we are thrown into turmoil. To the observer, the two situations will appear the same. They both appear to be unable to empathize. It is important to sort them out because the latter person can be and needs to be helped. 

So one point is you cannot be “crazy” and responsible at the same time. In both cases, the emotive side has taken over, in one case permanently and in the other momentarily. For those caught in the moment, it is a “shame” bind. It can be a setup for eternal failure. “Oh my God I did such a terrible thing and I am responsible for it!” The shame one feels at that moment now is as overwhelming as the original shame and rage or terror and it freezes one into inaction. That is the original shame and terror let us say that lead them to do the “antisocial” act in the first place. One now is incapable, even now in what seems to be a calmer state, a more rational state to have the wherewithal to apologize, pay for damages, or repair harm done in other ways.  

Why is this? One reason is that deep inside one feels the truth with which this essay started that their organism could not have done anything different than it did at the time it did it and so in the most strict cosmic sense there is never any guilt or responsibility. There is at least a kind of emotional determinism. Why should I apologize for the emotional demons that control me and for whom I cannot control? I did not traumatize myself! Still worse there are those who barely even recognize the trauma they underwent. They cannot betray their caretakers! (See: Protecting our parents.)

But the world attempts to work in the here and now; this organism does harm to that organism now and the one that has harm done to it is not expected to understand anything other than that they are hurt. They want and need reparation. How to do due justice to both. There is a way and it is Restorative Justice.

 Restorative Justice is an approach that addresses this by bringing all parties together to express their narratives and work toward understanding and healing. It focuses on repairing the harm caused by crimes through an inclusive and participatory process. This approach has been shown to have a positive psychological impact on victims, who are often overlooked in conventional justice systems[1]. Through Restorative Justice, we can strive for a more compassionate and understanding society