“Unintended Consequences”
Sometimes terrible things happen because we decide to do something. Good intentions lead to a place we never imagined at the moment we did what we did. After the dust clears, we cannot believe what happened and have to process the situation.
What I have found fascinating is that no one ever told me in all my relationships or schooling that my mind only has a few places to “go.”
Some examples; I “rough house” with my nephew and it gets out of hand and I break his arm. I spend a thousand dollars on Christmas presents and the next day someone needs an operation. There is a serious altercation and I call the police and I end up getting charged. We can think of many, many other situations and worse outcomes.
So where does my mind “go.” Well, what no one ever told me is that it can only “go” a few places I can only: 1) blame someone else for what just happened, 2) blame myself for what just happened, 3) try in some manner to just block the whole thing out, “nothing happened” and 4) I can run away so to speak. If I am on some kind of mind-alerting drug maybe I will take a lot more of it. My point in these few words is, can you give me another alternative? My point also is that once you accept that these are the only way the mind can naturally “go” and accept it then it is a path to freedom and much peace.
The road out or to “solve the problem” is a pretty simple one and that is to recognize several very old truths and they are, you did the best you could at the moment and we cannot predict the future. If we do not accept these then we run the risk of having a “God” complex. “I should be all-knowing.” “I should be able to control myself at all times.” “I should be able to predict what the police will do.” “I should have known I would break my nephew’s arm.” How sensible do those statements sound and if they do sound sensible then I am afraid that I should be frightened of you? You will expect the impossible of me.
Such thinking leads to blaming ourselves for everything and everyone and thus much shame, humiliation, and guilt that tie up our lives in a constant ritual of masochism of pain and self-punishment. Or it can lead to a constant ranting that others are to blame. In the meantime, nothing much gets done in our lives.
I have already written about the thought of “Accepting the things you cannot change and changing the things you can.”
This being the week of Easter and Passover and the rites of Spring I hope this is of some use. These days, as are so many holidays, are so charged with memories of all those times that we have “blamed ourselves or others” or “avoided” the situation. And of course, these times are often made much worse in our adult lives when we might find ourselves alone. It took me a long time to understand that the only solution is to simply “be” with someone. “Be with the one you're with.” We are made to be “interested” in today. Not yesterday.
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