"Is It Worth It"
In almost any relationship, there is some imbalance. One person tends to be more dependent on the other. Of course, there is mutual dependence to some extent. For instance, a leader depends on their subjects for support. However, in one-on-one relationships like parent-child, marriage, mentor-mentee, or working relationships, the balance can be uneven and prone to abuse.
In such one-on-one relationships, when we find ourselves in the dependent position, we often have to make a judgment call. We often dislike how we are being treated. It may not always be clear who holds the power, as in a marriage, making it difficult for us to determine what we can and cannot accept.
My main point is that we should make decisions on our own terms, without expecting the other person to change. Yes, people can change, but the odds are against it. They might change in the long run, but if they do, it's more likely to happen after we leave the relationship, rather than by staying in an overtly abusive one.
The important questions to ask ourselves are: "Where are you going?" and "How are you going to get there?" There are many complexities and challenges involved in answering these questions. I am not advocating selfishness or denying the need for help and support from others. What I'm saying is that we can be as much of a problem as the abuser if we don't know what we want. I'm not letting the abusers off the hook; I'm putting the responsibility on us. We often stay in bad situations for various reasons, many of which are not good. Fear of the unknown and not knowing what else to do is a significant reason we remain in relationships, leading us to try to force a relationship or change the other person.
Since originally writing this, I have become more radical in my assessment in the sense that I do not want to suggest that anything is easy. In fact, I suggest that maybe most of the time we are stuck with the people around us, and the task is to manage the best we can because there is nowhere else to go. There is much Pollyannaishness about that, which gives the impression that we have so many choices. That is a fantasy.
Often, the issue is most visible to people who possess stature and power, such as bosses, teachers, and leaders that we come across and are often dependent on. However, it's a fact of life that many, if not most of them, have had to make significant compromises in their lives, which sometimes involve treating people in not-so-nice ways. If you watch twenty video biographies of famous people, you may find only an occasional one who comes across as a "normal" person treat.
Therefore, if you associate with someone like this, whether it's a relative, boss, or mentor, it can be like making a pact with the devil. Is enduring the abuse worth it? Again, so often, people have no choice but to stay. That said, the boss is going where they want to go, and they won't change for you or me. We won't be the "exception" or the "special" friend. The most important thing to understand is that people may make you feel "special," that you are different. They may say, "I won't treat you like I treat others." Or did you just think you heard them say that? But the truth is, if you witness them treating others in ways you wouldn't want to be treated, I guarantee you will be treated the same way.
If you are free to move on, it is good to do so, but always be prepared for a similar person to be around the corner. If you are not free, then the admonition to accept the things you cannot change is a guiding principle, and you achieve that efficiently if you come to know and learn to regulate your internal emotional environment. 0 COMMENTS 
ing others well.
No comments:
Post a Comment